Random Match Alert

I know what you're thinking.  "Dom, are you about to show me the match that planted the seed for Adam Bomb's face turn in 1994?"  Yes.  Yes, I am.  And you're welcome.

The Great Z'Dar Uprising

So I recently started uploading some of my Blood Capsules to Letterboxd.  You can assign a star rating to each movie, which got me thinking.  I might as well use my patented Z'Dar system for the Blood Capsules.  Originally, I only used them for full-length reviews, but c'mon.  Robert Z'Dar demands more attention.  This means I'm going to add Z'Dar ratings to all of my pre-existing Capsules.  Unnecessary?  Yes.  Kind of exhausting?  Yes.  But I want to do it!

For copyright reasons, Z'Dar ratings will not be appearing in the book.  Lame, I know.  Anyway, this is going to take a few epochs, but Z'Dar z'deserves it.

Blood Capsule #192

BLOOD DOLLS (1999)

I probably shouldn't have attempted to watch Blood Dolls last night.  For one thing, it's Blood Dolls (more on that later).  Secondly, my brain was in the process of shutting down during the opening credits.  I was just way too sleepy.  For whatever ungodly reason, I soldiered on, so I'm not 100% sure that I didn't dream this movie.  Not only was I staving off intermittent bouts of encephalitis lethargica, but this flick is also seriously loopy.  Being a Full Moon artifact, it was written and directed by Charles Band.  You'd think that I would be impervious to his brand of singular quirk by now.  But no, I'm struggling to describe this...what is this anyway?  Was it necessary for Band to take another pass at the much-lampooned "killer doll" subgenre?  I suppose I should be thankful that I never have to sit through Retro Blood Dolls or Dollman vs. Blood Dolls.  As if!

Okay, the plot.  Hold onto something.  An eccentric billionaire has found a way - through what kind of gnarled alchemy, I couldn't even begin to guess - to kidnap his enemies and transform them into literal dolls.  There is something about an antitrust lawsuit, but the particulars are neither germane nor do I care to remember them.  So this billionaire.  He wears a comically large Halloween mask, he domineers over two servants (one dwarf, one clown), and he has his own house band.  By the way, it's an all-girl group that he keeps in a cage.  Y'know, the more I write about Blood Dolls, the more credence I give to the theory that I simply dreamed it up.  To add insult to injury, it's not explicitly entertaining.  We do get some mild gore.  Meh.  Like I said, it's Blood Dolls.  I need to take a nap.

Album Cover of the Whatever

To be honest, I wasn't particularly enthused by Anima Hereticae's Descended from the Mountains on a musical level, but look at that cover.  Geez.

Blood Sugar Sex Aliens

Did you know that Flea starred as an alien in 1987's Stranded?  Because man, I didn't until I watched and reviewed it for the book.  Speaking of which, would you like to know which movies I'm reviewing exclusively for the book?  Assuming you responded in the affirmative, I'll post a list of book-only reviews...soon.  Ish.  Yeah, soon-ish.  Maybe in May.  There aren't that many, but I did go to the effort of writing them, so there.

For the record, my favorite Chili Pepper dish is Californication.  And One Hot Minute is underrated.

#@^#%

DO NOT watch 2001's A Crack in the Floor.  Dear God in heaven, it's dreadful.  It pissed me off so much, I'm not even going to review it.  Ordinarily, I would, but no.  I'm reclaiming my life.  #@^#% this movie.  You see all this black space beneath the text?  You're better off staring at it for 90 minutes.  Okay, I've typed too much.  End of.

It's time for another contest!

Boom!  Contest announcement!  Just like that.  And this one is super easy.  All you have to do to enter is join the Facebook Fan Club (it's similar in spirit to the Burger King Kids Club).  There will be a random drawing in two weeks.  The winner will receive a RANDOM REVIEWS CARE PACKAGE!!!  Yes, all caps was a bold choice, but the package will include...

3 Movies (VHS or DVD, maybe both)

2 Comic Books

2 Old Horror Magazines

1 Pack of Super Cool Trading Cards

Probably Candy

And who knows what else I might toss in there!?  I'm thinking of doing this every four months, so be sure to join the Fan Club so you don't miss out in August and December.  U.S. residents only!

Blood Capsule #191

ISLAND OF TERROR (1966)

I have a nagging headache, but I simply must tell you about this daffy sci-fi/horror cakewalk.  Island of Terror pits Peter Cushing against a roving band of silicates.  What are silicates?  They are amoeboid (that's a word, I swear) lifeforms that feed on calcium.  In essence, they drink your bones and leave you a ropy mess of flesh.  It's a fairly brutal death, and I have to heap praises on the special effects department for devising charmingly grotesque models of the jelly-like victims.  Needless to say, the film has a grim tone.  I would comment on the cast, but aside from Cushing, no one really stands out.  I'm not complaining, mind you.  Island of Terror is a bit of an ensemble picture, and as such, a few of the faces are interchangeable.  Likewise, a few of the accents are unintelligible.

For those interested, our amorphous antagonists were created in a laboratory to eat cancer cells.  At times, I was reminded of The Green Slime.  Regrettably, the silicates do not come equipped with their own theme song.  This flick was directed by the ever-dependable Terence Fisher.  Sandwiched in between Frankenstein Created Woman and Dracula: Prince of Darkness, it has the feel of a lost Hammer production.  The pace is rather prompt, save for a dead spot here and there. For example, I don't think we needed lingering shots of the scientists slipping into full-body condoms...I mean, radiation suits.  But hey, it is what it is.  Recommended to fans of bread pudding.